I am a single-mom. I won’t go into all the deep, dark details of why my marriage didn’t work out, but one of them was definitely my ex’s lack of active participation in the raising of our children. And even now, the main excuse he gives for his inconsistent presence in their lives is the lack of example he had due to a strained relationship with his own father.
And all I can say to that is check out #4 from my post “4-Letter Words of Wisdom” …
I am blessed to have always had a good relationship with my Dad. However, I know a lot of people who didn’t have that. And while I have no doubt that this is hurtful and challenging and damages a person’s sense of self, it is not the single defining thing in your life nor does it restrict your parenting ability permanently, unless you allow it to.
That is why this tweet from @BreakThruGuy Paul Sutherland resonated so deeply – “When one has not had a good father, one must create one.” And so did this article by Brent Peterson, which talks about his commitment to being a good father and he goes on to share wisdom he’s gained from other dad’s he’s met and favorite quotes he’s read about fatherhood over the years.
This week’s post gives ‘honey’ to Paul and Brent for recognizing that not necessarily having the best father for a role model is not an acceptable reason for failing to strive to be the best father you can be once you have children of your own. If your dad or the father of your children isn’t here, for whatever the reason, it sucks – but it is ok! Find other people and resources to fill that void so you can make better choices and create new opportunities for yourself and your children. Grandfathers, uncles, cousins and friends as well as books, websites, blogs and seminars can help if you seek it.
Similarly, if your boss sucks, the same rules apply. Workplaces are filled with poor leadership and bad management. When you recognize the leadership or management of your organization is lacking, it is not an excuse to jump in and bask in mediocrity with them. Instead, seek to align yourself with people and other resources to give you the knowledge to do better. Look for other ways to develop yourself and people around you when your organization is unwilling or unable to. But do not use their poor patterns as excuses not to be the best you can be or do the best you can do with the opportunities you are given.
Instead, choose to do better than the negative examples you see. Choose to break the cycle. You never know – your attitude might just be the catalyst for change that will lead to lasting improvement.